I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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