I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
