Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
