her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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