i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
