i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
