My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We left an ass print on the piano.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
