That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
