You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
