You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
