WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
