I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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