Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
