i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So squirting runs in the family.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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