i don't like sucking hair
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
