Four minutes until I can fart!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
