We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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