I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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