if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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