i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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