Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
