remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
