I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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