And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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