My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
