Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
