Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
