thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
