a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
