Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
