is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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