Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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