I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
