I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
