he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
