I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
