one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
