his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sext me about skeletons
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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