Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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