The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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