I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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