Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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