Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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