:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
