We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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