Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
