Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
