Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
