before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
