he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
