I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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